Netbeans on Ubuntu = Requires an Advanced Computer Science Degree

I literally spend hours (about three) trying to get Netbeans 7.3 installed on Ubuntu 12.04. This is not a fun process. Netbeans crapped out while displaying "Loading cached objects" for me, after it looked like it installed perfectly using the Oracle JDK. The solution I found was:

1. Actually, fully, installed OpenJDK. The mistake I was making here is that Ubuntu LOOKED like it installed OpenJDK, but it didn't actually finish the installation until I ran: 

     sudo apt-get install openjdk-7-jdk

2. Install Netbeans, using the OpenJDK installed in step #1. 

I have no idea WHY the Oracle JDK failed Netbeans, but it seems like this is a fairly common problem. Hopefully this post will help other people avoid the same dark fate as my lost three hours.